By Jesse Edwardson
The
car entered the crowded parking lot. It drove slowly up and down the
lanes looking for an empty stall. After several minutes, it finally
took a spot in the parking lot of an adjacent business. It was quite
a hike, as far as parking lots go, to the door of the restaurant.
Tonight was a special occasion though, so no one minded.
“Okay
guys, we're here,” Dad said as he turned the ignition off and
looked into the rear-view mirror at the excited kids in the back
seat.
“Yay!!!”
they both cheered in unison. One boy and one girl, who looked like
twins but were almost two years apart.
Mom
smiled at her husband. “Happy birthday honey,” she said and gave
him a quick peck on the cheek.
“Thanks,
babe. I love you.”
“Love
you too,” she replied and gave his hand a quick squeeze.
She
turned to face the kids in the back and said, “Okay you guys, are
you going to be on your best behavior and use your manners?”
“Yes,
Mom,” they said in unison again. It was clear that they have heard
this question several times before.
“Alright
then, let's get going. There is probably going to be a long wait.
This place is pretty busy,” Mom said.
“Well,
it's only been open for a few days. New places are always super busy
for the first few weeks,” Dad said as he popped his door open.
They
all got out of the car and started for the door. The family weaved
through the cars, zigging and zagging. The night was clear and
crisp. March had come in like a lion and winter still had a strong
grip on the world. Their breath puffed in the cold air.
The
son, who was a fantastic big brother, spotted the restaurant's sign.
His little sister was still learning to read so he pointed it out to
her and said, “Can you read the sign, Sis?” He was always doing
this with signs and such. He enjoyed giving her opportunities to use
her new skill.
She
looked up at the front of the building and read the neon words there.
“Charlie's... Chop... House... Good... People Meat... Good...
Food.”
“Good
job, but it says 'Charlie's Chop House WHERE
good people meat good food.' The where
must be burned out so it's not lit up,” Brother corrected.
“Oh,”
she said. “Where
good people meat good food.”
The son looked up at dad and said,
“Dad, shouldn't the 'meat' be spelled m-e-e-t?”
“Yeah, but it's supposed to be a
joke because this place specializes in steaks and burgers and such.
Get it? Ha Ha,” Dad said.
“I guess so,” the boy answered.
“But, it's kinda weird.”
“Yeah, it is,” Mom said.
They reached the door and the hostess
opened it for them. “Welcome to Charlie's Chop House. How many in
your party?”
“Four,” Dad replied.
“And your name?” the hostess
asked.
Dad gave her his name and gathered
his family around him in the crowded entryway.
“Okay,
I have you down. It's going to be about a forty-five minute wait,”
the hostess said with an is
that okay?
smile.
“That's fine,” Dad said.
The hostess walked away. Mom
whispered to Dad, “She was kind of pale, wasn't she?”
“Yeah, I guess so. Maybe she
doesn't get outside much.”
The packed lobby had benches lining
the walls, stuffed with people. A small arcade area, with no room
for anyone to play, filled one corner of the room. More and more
people came in behind them and the hostess collected their names and
checked them in. The family felt like sardines in a can.
The wait was long. The groups that
came in ahead of them were called into the dinning room one by one.
A bench became available and Dad lead his family to it. They all
took a seat. The kids were rowdy in the noisy room, they were
bouncing off the walls in excitement as the overhead speakers blasted
Hotel California. After about an hour their name was finally called.
They followed the hostess to their table.
“Here you are,” the hostess said
when they reached a booth in the far corner of the dining room.
“Thank you,” said Dad.
Before Mom sat down she whispered
something into the hostess's ear. She glanced at Dad and then nodded
to Mom with a smile.
“Natalia will be your server
tonight,” the hostess said as she handed out menus. “Can I get
you all started with something to drink?”
“Yes, a Miller Lite for me, a glass
of Cabernet for my wife and two chocolate milks for the little ones,”
Dad said.
“Okay, Natalia will be right over
with those. Thank you for coming tonight and I hope you enjoy your
meal,” she said and then headed off to the bar to place their drink
order.
“Well, I sure hope the food is
worth that wait,” Mom said. She tried not to sound grumpy but
failed just a little.
“It will be. I've heard a lot of
great things about this place,” said Dad.
“At least I got out of cooking
tonight so that's a plus,” Mom said with a smile and a wink at the
kids. They winked in return and giggled.
Mom looked around the room and asked,
“Hey, where do you think the exit is in this place?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, the whole time we were
waiting I saw a ton of people come in but no one left,” Mom said
with a puzzled look.
“Really? I didn't notice,” Dad
said. “By the way, you didn't tell that lady it was my birthday or
anything did you?” He asked, smiling.
“Maybe,” Mom said with a sly
grin.
“Oh boy,” Dad said, already
embarrassed, anticipating the corny birthday song that would soon be
sung to him by the waitstaff.
The parents got the kids settled.
Their place mats had pictures to color and games to play printed on
them. They each had a small box of four crayons to use laying on the
table next to their silverware. All of these themed restaurants have
place mats like these anymore. It's a good thing, it gives the
children something to do while they wait for their food. With the
kids all set, Mom and Dad had a few moments to absorb the atmosphere
and wait for their drinks.
“This place is pretty interesting,”
Dad said as he looked around the room at the decorations that covered
the walls. The usual old pictures, license plates and knick-knacks
adorned everything.
“Yeah,” Mom answered. “Are
those meat hooks hanging from that cable up there?”
Dad looked at the ceiling, “Um
yeah, I think so. What is that over there?” Dad said pointing in
another direction. “It looks like a bunch of knives all fanned out
in a circle.”
“It sure looks like that's what it
is,” she replied. “Is it supposed to be pretty?” Mom asked.
“Because it isn't.”
“I guess so,” Dad answered. He
was just about to point out what appeared to be surgical tools
hanging on another wall when the waitress arrived with the drinks.
“Hello, my name is Natalia. I will
be your server this evening. Are you ready to order?” the waitress
announced as she set the family's drinks in front of them.
The girl standing before them,
delivering their beverages, wore an all-black waitress uniform. She
was tall and very thin. Mom thought she looked impossibly thin as
she looked her over. Her skin was pale, like the hostess', almost to
the point of appearing to be gray. She wore little make-up, just
some dark eye shadow, red lipstick, and a touch of blush on her
cheeks. It helped her gray complexion, but not much. Her hair was
straight and long and the darkest black Mom had ever seen. It was
tied up in a beautiful red satin ribbon that weaved through the hair
in a lattice pattern. It reminded Mom of something she had seen in
an old painting once. The girls voice was rather musical and had a
light accent, it sounded European or Russian. It was such a light
accent that it was hard to place. Her hands looked very delicate
with long fingers and long, red painted nails. They looked like the
hands of a magician.
“And, for you ma'am?” Mom heard
Natalia ask as she snapped out of her reverie.
“Oh, I'm sorry,” Mom said
blushing. “I guess I was day dreaming.”
“It's quite all right ma'am,”
Natalia said with a smile that just barely revealed the tips of sharp
pointed teeth. Mom didn't notice, she was finally looking at the
menu.
The daughter noticed Natalia's teeth,
though.
Mom
looked up and down the menu quickly trying to find something to
order. She was embarrassed about how she had been caught staring at
the waitress. The items on the menu were definitely named by an
overactive imagination. She saw something called Hot
Chick Sandwich
in the poultry and fish section. Something called Chairman
of the Board
and Employee of the
Month
in the steak section. And something called Spicy
Italian Bus Driver
in the in the sub-sandwich section. Mom felt rushed and couldn't
concentrate enough to figure out what the menu items actually were so
she just gave up and looked at Natalia and asked for a cheeseburger
and fries.
“Hey that's what we're having,”
Dad and the kids said in unison. They laughed at themselves.
“Excellent,”
Natalia said. “Would you like the chef to drag
it through the garden
also?” Natalia said as if this phrase were new to her.
“Yes, please,” Mom answered with
a smile, knowing that Natalia had just learned a new term for 'put
everything on it' from the man sitting across the table from her.
Dad and the kids were still giggling.
“Ok, I will have this out to you as
soon as it's ready. Please and thank you,” Natalia said with a
small curtsey and walked away.
“Please and thank you?” Mom asked
her husband with eyebrows raised as she brought her wine glass to her
lips.
“Yeah, I know right?” Dad
answered. “I don't think she's from around here. She sounds
Romanian or something.”
“Or something is right,” Mom
agreed.
“Daddy, I drew a picture for you,”
The daughter said, tugging on Dad's sleeve and holding up her place
mat
Dad took it and looked at it. “What
is it baby?” he asked his daughter.
“It's the scary lady that gave me
my chocolate milk, silly,” she answered with a proud smile on her
face.
Dad stared down at the picture. Mom
leaned forward over the table to look too. Together, they saw a
picture of a tall, thin, black figure with black eyes, a red mouth
and long red claws for hands. She drew streaks of red crayon running
from the mouth and down the thing's throat and onto its black
clothes. There were also dots of red falling from the things fingers
and puddles of red at its feet. Both parents shivered at the same
time. They looked up from the drawing and toward each other with
wide eyes and gaping mouths.
Dad gulped and turned to his daughter
and said, “Well, of course it is honey. Good job!”
The daughter glowed with pride.
Mom glanced over at her daughter's
crayons and noticed the black and the red ones were worn down to
nubs. The green and yellow ones were still unused.
“We understand that somebody has a
birthday to celebrate,” Natalia said. The whole family jumped.
They didn't see her walk up. Natalia tried to stifle a giggle at
their reaction but failed.
“Yes, my husband's,” Mom answered
with a little crack in her voice.
“Well, we would like to sing him a
birthday song!” Natalia said as the rest of the waitstaff gathered
around, smiling.
“Everyone, can I have your
attention please. We have a birthday to celebrate! Please sing
along with us!” Natalia announced to the room. Every face in the
restaurant turned to look in their direction. Some faces were
smiling, some faces looked dazed and confused as if singing a
birthday song in a restaurant was new to them.
A chubby busboy took a pitch pipe
from his pocket and blew into it. The rest of the waitstaff hummed
the note and took a deep breath before they started their song.
Happy
happy birthday, we hope you enjoy your food!
Happy
happy birthday, aren't you glad it isn't you! HEY!
They all clapped and laughed after
they finished their short song. The family clapped too but Mom and
Dad didn't laugh. They shared a puzzled look with each other. The
crowd dispersed and the other customers returned to their food.
Still laughing and clapping, Natalia
looked at Mom and Dad and said, “Your food should be right up.”
She walked away.
Dad looked at Mom and said, “Aren't
you glad it isn't you?! Just part of the motif I suppose, huh?”
“I guess, but that is the weirdest
birthday song I have ever heard,” Mom said.
“Um, yeah,” said Dad.
In a few minutes, Natalia returned
with their dinners. Four cheeseburgers dragged through the garden
with fries. She gave each of them a smile as she placed their plates
in front of them. Her pointy teeth showed, but none of them seemed
to have noticed.
“Ok, I hope you enjoy you dinner.
I will be back with refills of all your drinks. Please and thank
you,” Natalia said and left.
The food smelled fantastic. Mom and
Dad each helped one of the kids put ketchup on their burgers and
fries and then dug into their own meals. The burgers were the best
tasting they had ever eaten. The meat had a rich flavor that they
have never experienced before. The toppings were fresh and crispy.
The fries, well the fries were just fries nothing special about them.
Natalia returned with their drink
refills and said, “Does everything meet your expectations?”
“More than meet them. This is the
best burger I have EVER had!” Dad exclaimed. The rest of the
family nodded their heads in approval.
“Well, good. Excellent,” Natalia
said. “Is there anything else I can get for you while I am here?”
“Actually, can I have an iced tea?”
Mom asked. “This wine is very good but I'd like some iced tea
while I eat if it's no bother.”
“Oh,
no bother at all,” Natalia said. The emphasis on the word bother
indicated otherwise. She picked up the wine glass, put it on her
tray and headed toward the bar.
Mom looked at her husband and said,
“Did I detect a slight attitude there?”
“Maybe a small one. Maybe she's
had a long day,” Dad said.
“Well I don't think that's my
problem,” Mom said. Her anger was obvious.
“This burger is seriously the best
I have ever had,” Dad said trying to change the subject.
“I know,” Mom said losing her
anger a little.
“It's like nothing I've ever had
before. The meat is so rich. Almost like it's a mix of veal and
pork or something. It's SO good!” Dad said and then turned to the
kids. “Do you guys like your burgers?” They both nodded and
smiled around their sandwiches.
Mom's heart was softened by this
exchange. “Are you having a good birthday honey?”
“Yes! You're the best,” Dad
answered as he reached across the table and gave his wife's hand a
squeeze.
They
stared at each other a moment longer and then got down to business on
their food. Within ten minutes their plates were empty. Then, at
almost the same moment, Dad and Son leaned back in their seats and
rubbed their stomachs while letting out a satisfying burp. Like
Father like Son,
Mom thought and smiled to herself.
“Hey, where's your iced tea?” Dad
asked, suddenly realizing Mom's drink never arrived.
“I don't know. It's okay though.
I'm ready to go anyway,” She said.
“Okay, well, she should be bringing
the check pretty soon,” Dad replied.
“I hope so,” Mom said.
In a short time, Natalia did bring
the check.
“Here you are,” She said, putting
the check in front of Mom. “ I hope your dinner was exceptional.”
“It was, and could I ask you
something?” Dad said.
“Of course.”
“We all ordered the same thing, but
I forgot what it was called?”
“It
was The Customer's
Always Right
and it is our most popular burger,” Natalia answered, smiling.
“Oh, right. That was it! No
wonder it's so popular, it's delicious!” Dad exclaimed.
“Yes, it is. It is one of my
favorites as well,” Natalia said. “When you are ready, you may
go through that door in the corner and pay the cashier,” she
pointed at a door that the family hadn't noticed until now. “It
has been my pleasure serving you this evening and it is my hope that
you will tell your friends about us,” Natalia said this with a
smirk that made it obvious that she didn't really mean it.
“We will, and thank you for taking
such good care of us,” Dad said, obviously forgetting about the
iced tea that never came.
“You are very welcome, and I will
enjoy you very much. Please and thank you,” Natalia said with a
smile and a curtsey before walking away.
“What did she say?” Mom asked
Dad. “I will enjoy you very much?”
“I'm sure she meant to say 'I have
enjoyed you very much,'” Dad said with a peculiar look on his face
as if he hoped he was right about what he had said. “You know
foreigners, they're always mixing up words when they speak English.”
“Yeah, you're right,” Mom said.
“Ready to go guys?” Dad asked the
kids.
“Yup,” they answered in unison.
“Thanks again, honey,” Dad said
to Mom as they got up from the booth.
“You're welcome,” she answered.
“Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
The family made their way through the
crowded restaurant toward the door. They were all in a great mood.
The food was fantastic, the service was good. Creepy, but good.
Everyone was happy. They reached the door, paused to put on their
coats, and then pushed through the exit.
The four of them entered the exit
lobby and saw a small, shriveled old lady sitting on a stool behind a
cash register on a small counter. She glanced up from something she
was reading when they entered the small room and stared at them
blankly.
Mom approached the counter and
offered the bill. The old woman snatched it from her hand without
speaking. She looked at it and punched some buttons on the cash
register then looked at Mom with empty eyes.
Thrown off by the woman's silence,
Mom presented her credit card to the cashier. “Here you are,”
she said.
The old hag took the card and slid it
though the reader and handed it back to Mom. Her expression remained
blank the whole time. The receipt printed, and the woman tore it
from the machine and handed it to Mom with a pen.
Mom took the pen and receipt, jotted
down a generous tip, and totaled the transaction on the slip and
handed it back to the old woman. The woman handed Mom a copy of the
receipt and then returned her attention back to whatever she had been
doing before they entered the room.
The whole transaction lasted only
seconds but was one of the most uncomfortable moments of their lives.
Mom and Dad looked at each other with raised eyebrows and wide eyes.
The look silently communicated, 'Let's get the hell out of here.'
The kids were oblivious to this whole
exchange between the adults and were waiting impatiently by the door
that must lead to the outside. Mom and Dad joined the kids and
pushed their way through the door.
On the other side of the supposed
exit door, the family was shocked to find themselves in a brightly
lit room lined with ceramic tiles and furnished with stainless steel
tables. The tables were the kind you might find in a medical
examiners autopsy room.
Mom and Dad were grabbed from behind
and the kids were whisked away through an adjacent door.
“How sweet, fresh meat,” a rough
voice whispered in Mom's ear. She screamed.
Dad struggled to free himself from
his captor. “Let go of me you son of a bitch!” he yelled.
A voice whispered in his ear,
“Actually, I'm not a son. I'm just a BITCH!” It was Natalia.
She held Dad across the chest in a bear hug with one arm. She was
impossibly strong. Her other arm was raised. In her slender hand
she held a straight razor. It flew through the air and across his
throat as quick as a lightning strike. The blood poured from Dad's
open throat and soaked his clothes like a waterfall. He grabbed his
neck in a futile effort to save own his life.
Mom watched this happen through
blurry eyes as her tears and screams flooded her senses. Dad's dying
body was carried to one of the tables by two black clothed men and
strapped down. His movements and struggles slowed as the blood
flowed from the wound. The cut across his throat looked like some
kind of weird mouth that was spitting blood. Natalia yelled orders
to the others in the room to gather as much of his blood as they can.
She was thirsty.
As her minions collected Dad's blood
in stainless steel pails that hung from beneath the table he rested
on, Natalia dropped on all fours and began to lap up fallen blood
from the floor. She looked like a human dog lapping up red water.
She crawled across the floor, following the trail Dad left behind
him, making sure that she didn't miss a drop. She paused briefly to
bark out an order to strap Mom to a table.
Mom was dragged, kicking and
screaming, to another steel table adjacent to the table that Dad's
lifeless body now rested. She was strapped down quickly only
catching glances of the person doing the strapping. It was the pudgy
busboy that had blown the pitch pipe for the birthday song. He
looked down at her while he did what he was told. His face was empty
of emotion.
With his task completed, the fat
busboy left the room.
Mom struggled in her bindings. She
screamed incoherent threats, cried worries about her children and the
word WHY? Over and over she cried, WHY?
Natalia rose to her feet when she had
reached Dad's table. She then walked, almost slinked, across the
room toward Mom. Her face held a look that was pure lustful hunger.
She leaned in close to Mom's face, her vampire teeth now fully
visible. Her lips were coated with a thin layer of blood. One stray
drop rested on her chin and was slowly creeping it's way down toward
her neck. Natalia lunged with her open mouth toward Mom's throat in
a playful manner. She clearly enjoyed this game because she giggled
to herself in a playful, childish manner.
The carnage on Natalia's breath, a
dark coppery smell, filled Mom's nose. She struggled to keep herself
under control, but could feel her gorge rising in her stomach.
“Why is this happening?” Mom
asked the pale, yet pretty monster that leaned over her.
“It's my break time and I'm
RAVENOUS,” Natalia answered.
“What are you doing to my kids you
BITCH?” Mom screamed in Natalia's face.
“Oh, don't worry about them. They
will be on the kids menu tomorrow,” Natalia crooned as she lightly
stroked Mom's face with her long finger.
Mom's eyes opened wide as complete
understanding flooded her with shock and horror. The strange
decorations in the restaurant, the funny names of meals on the menu
and that strange birthday song.
Natalia smiled, as if to a lover that
had just promised their undying love. “Yes, we are the hungry
ones, who feed the hungry ones to the hungry ones. We take what we
need and well, you know the rest.” She lifted Mom's chin fully
exposing her throat and said, “I have enjoyed serving you this
evening. And, by the way, I didn't forget your iced tea. I didn't
bring it because it makes your blood taste funny...” Natalia's
final words were just a whisper as she nestled her face into Mom's
exposed throat and plunged her teeth deep into soft flesh. Mom's
body jerked and her eye's fluttered as Natalia's teeth broke the
surface of her skin. The blood flowed at once. It filled Natalia
with a freshness of life that always took her by surprise. Her
satisfaction was apparent as her eyes rolled back into their sockets.
After taking her fill, Natalia wiped
blood from the corners of her mouth and sucked it from her fingers.
She carried a deeply satisfied look on her gentle face and walked to
the door that the busboy had escaped through. She knocked and spoke.
“Wayne, please come and collect the meat.”
The chubby busboy entered the room.
He glanced toward Natalia, subservient and fearful. He took hold of
the table holding Dad, another slave collected Mom and they rolled
the parents into the kitchen.
Natalia watched them leave. When
they were gone, she did a curtsy and then spoke under her breath,
because this was her private ritual, “The customer is always right.
Please and thank you.” She giggled.
The End?
Note;
The phrase “Yes, we are the hungry ones.” is a tribute to Ray
Bradbury. It was a line in the film version of his story “Something
Wicked This Way Comes”
It was spoken by Mr. Dark, the carnival operator and apparent demon
who feeds upon people's pain and misery. I kind of cheesed it up by
adding the rest but I think it works well for this story. The line
“How
sweet, fresh meat.” is
borrowed from one of the “Nightmare
on Elm Street” movies.
Thank you Freddy Krueger LOL.
This
story was mainly inspired by the horror comics published by EC Comics
such as “Tales
From The Crypt” and
“The Vault of Horror.” The
idea for this story occurred to me while Debi and the kids and I were
waiting to be seated at Red Robin. We were out to celebrate my
birthday. I happened to notice how people kept piling up behind us.
Of course people were also making their way out with Styrofoam boxes
full of leftovers but I wondered “what
if no one was leaving as new people kept arriving, where would those
people be?” So, I
decided that the people who never left were feeding the new arrivals.